A year ago today, I had a terrifying and unforgettable experience. The scene was typical, my husband and I were talking in the car on the way home from work, but in a split-second I felt a wave of heavy confusion enveloping my head from behind and my next words exited as gibberish. On second thought, they were more like sounds as they didn’t resemble the words that were in my brain, or words from the English language, for that matter. I tried to say something again. Gibberish. Intense panic washed over me and my large eyes bulged as I as I thought I was having a stroke, which is my biggest medical fear. In my head I am saying, “stroke, stroke, stroke, oh my god I am a prisoner in my own head, help! I will never be able to communicate again!” It was like my thoughts were being translated by my mouth into an unintelligible foreign vocabulary without my knowledge or permission. My brain and body were out of sync and out of control. In those moments it seemed like the essence of my soul was trapped somewhere inside my human form, which I was unable to access, and I was acutely aware for every frightening second of it. It was like being outside of my body and watching myself unravel in a frenzy.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store